The Ramblings of a Housecat

Muffin-Willow on holiday

2006-10-18T15:24:00.000+01:00

Hi there Muffin's readers,

Muffin-Willow is on holiday until Monday 27th of November.

She'll be back to amuse/insult you then!

Ian & Donna xxx

Free speach banned!

2006-10-17T22:04:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest reders.

I am having to blog from Ian's PSP today, Ian and Donna have banned me from blogging. This follows posts being rude about Americans, sexual inuendo, religion bashing, global warming and on-line Pharmacies. What happened to free speach? I remember the days when I could call a Mouse a Mouse, not a vertically challenged Gerbil! mew.
Fear not, readers, my blog will continue, even if it involves posting from a dodgy Internet cafe full of spamming Russians! I will not be Silenced!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow

Global warming. Evidence: Proff Muffin.

2006-10-16T21:34:00.000+01:00

Miaow my avid readers,

Mew all, trust you are all well, good! Miaow. For all those sceptics on global warming (read: USA Administration) I would ask you to review the chart relased by the U.K Met Office today. In plain human terms, it shows what you are doing to the planet with your mass burnings of the rain forests, and reliance on fossil fuels (although please dont turn the central heating off!! miaow)
The red line indicates the anomalies from the May to September average temp from 1659 to date in the UK, Those with sharp cat like eyes will notice the large fall just prior to 1700, this period coincided with "The little ice age" when the the UK had a climate more akin to my homeland of South Norway. There are few periods of sharp rise in temp in this series... until you hit the late 1980's, gawd guys, the anomaly line is as vertical as Ian's wedding tackle on a Sunday morning, mew! This rise is even faster than was predicted when global warming first came to the publics attention in the 1980's, For your Childrens sake, and all middle aged arthritic cats ACT NOW! support renewable energy, recycle, respect the planet, we all share it, it's not the property of the Human race! Hiss.
If your reading this Mr George Bush, you know climate change is inevitable, your denial of it is based on nothing other than the need of your insular country's massive need for Oil (did that have a bearing on your invasion of Iraq, methinks, Miaow) You call your self the leader of the worlds only superpower, if that's the case lead by example!!!!! mew, I'm furious! Anyhoe, must dash, gotta turn the central heating on, mew.

Love and purrs,

Proff Muffin-Willow xxx

XBOX saga

2006-10-15T21:37:00.000+01:00

Miaow devoted readers,

I trust you are all well? everyones fleas, worms, and STD's cleared up, hmmm? good, mew! Another lazy day for me (for a change) Donna went to Lamport Hall to a craft fair (Ohh, mew, posh or wot?) So she left at 930am, Ian crawled downstairs with another migraine and fed me. It was cool and foggy so relieved myself then retired back to bed with Ian, I'm sure my mewing worked wonders for his migraine, as he got up an hour later! maybe I have the Kitty healing touch? Ian went out in search of a new joypad for his Xbox, the left trigger failed yesterday, and despite Ian's usual ambitious repair attempts (read: prise open with screwdriver, shake it a lot, attempt to re-assemble, throw in bin!) we were joypadless, mew! how could we finish Half Life 2!!
Anyhoe this left me with the run of the house, I could of run riot, but, hey, I just fancied a snooze, mew. Ian got home with a new Joypad (a tacky chinky cheapo knock off job) around 3pm, and Donna returned an hour later (not from the craft fair, but a school auction) nothing for me, just some prezzies for Abi, and a tacky red gingham cushion for the sofa, gawd.. I'd seen enough, and retired to the patio to enjoy the late evening sunshine. Auntie Lizzie called 9ish, but only spoke to Donna! hiss, Ian was back in bed with a migraine. I'm perplexed why she didn't ask for me! after all I am the second most senior household member, mew! So a bit miffed about that! As I write, Ian has just got up (pointless, it's bedtime soon!) and Donna is trying to extend her Uni essay from 1000 to 3000 words by adding it's, but's, and's etc to bulk it out, mew, hopless! Well got to dash guys, just off the pester Ian for food, Miaow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Gravity (Muffin conundrum 1)

2006-10-14T21:41:00.000+01:00

Miaiow dearest readers,

Today I'm starting my conundrum posts, which will be a regular feature (maybe, mew) on my blog. These are questions that have mystified even cats throughout the last 120 years.
Anyhoe, suppose I could dig a hole from the North Pole to the South pole and dropped a dumb dog in the abyss, what would happen (other that a visit from the R.S.P.C.A!)
I assume the dog would fall at first, reach terminal velocity, then speed up even move under the pull of the earth's gravity. But what would happen when Fido reached the centre of the Earth? would it stop? or would it continue past the centre of the Earth towards to the South Pole? Upon the assumption that as it moved further from the Earths centre, gravity would slow Fido down, and would reach a halt for a fraction of a second by appearing feet first at the South Pole, then the process begins again. Would Fido spend eternity repeating this journey? could this be perpetual motion?
Any comments from scientists welcomed, Chavs need not apply, mew, hiss!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Valium, Xanax, Dr Muffins RX advice

2006-10-13T22:35:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers, a change from normal today, as I introduce more "special posts" I trust you will enjoy them....Hissss!

Suffer from p3n1s problems, cant satisfy your woman?
www.ukmedix.com Uk pharmacy, all legit guv!

Anxiety ruining your life, for Valium and Xanax try the fab guys at Pharmaenergy
www.pharmaenergy.com shipping from Germany, 4-6 days, semi legit cheif

Looking for hard to find medications? such as Dormicum, Codeine etc Try Online-pharmacy.cc
www.online-pharmacy.cc shipped from Argentina, kinda legit Officer (ahem!) delivery 10-20 days. Customer service is excellent.
If you do vist a site, please say Muffin sent you!

Disclaimer This information is for educational purposes only, and is not intended to replace the advice of your Primary care provider. Muffin-Willow does not endorse any of the listed companies, and is not affilliated in any way (other than payments of introduction commision), drink in moderation, always tie your shoe laces, and never leave a burning candle lit at night!

Disclaimer Ian and Donna disclaim any responsibility for Muffin-Willows Blog.

Love and purrs,

Dr Muffin-Willow xxx

Black Witch Auntie Lizzie visit!

2006-10-12T15:56:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest, loyal readers,

Mew all, still feeling a bit groggy today, but getting back to normal, thanks for asking!! hiss!
Auntie Lizzie came to vist from London today, and true to form, bore gifts for yours truly! (she has a rare blood type, and goes to sensible lenghts to avoid a cut jugular! mew) A box of Hi-life 60% real fish was a delight to snatch out her hands. It was such a nice warm and sunny afternoon, we all dozed on the patio, and indulged in the magic weed (Catnip!) I tried to draw a picture of Lizze for you, I'm not sure it's accurate, I still feel doped. I know your all thinking "she looks much better than on her last picture" mew, perhaps she's had plastic surgery?. Anyhoe gotta dash, my butt wont lick it's self! mew

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Roofies

2006-10-11T22:09:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers,

Well, mew, the last few days have been a blur! I dont really remember much since the weekend. I was met by Ian and Donna this evening upon returning from an unsuccsesfull hunting trip (my reflexes are still not 100%, mew) with the most far fetched tale since John Prescott said he was an avid flower arranger! Two cats? mental illness, CCTV, scheming cat!? I was perplexed. Anyhoe, for my peace of mind I took myself to Key Vet (on Donna's AMEX of course) Following a full examination and blood test, I was declared mentally fit, yaaay! But of concern, traces of Rohypnol (I believe the street slang is Roofies) were found in my system! miaow! Had I been drugged with spiked Whiskers Cat Milk? by oohh, another household member? or just happened to find one on the floor and mistook it for a small white Pringle? I am open minded, I'll let you folks make your own minds up..hmmmm? In the interest of household peace, I am dropping the matter. Cant wait for tommorow, Auntie Lizzie is comming up to visit me and Ian, SHE always brings gifts, and hence is normally welcome, mew!
Well must dash kitties, just have time to pop a worming tablet in Donna's Horlicks, mew!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

CCTV solves Muffin-Willow mystery!

2006-10-10T15:31:00.000+01:00

Hello, all of Muffins readers, we are again having to 'stand in for her' today, due to her absence. But at least the mystery is solved! Myself and Donna decided to Install CCTV in the garden to monitor Muffin's movements, the results were a revelation!
Muffin-Willow has been leaving the house in the morning, changing into a tighter fitting catsuit, and support briefs to make her butt appear smaller, then comming back into the house posing as her cousin Miffim-Wallop, the process it repeated in the evening in reverse! Why you may ask? Well, as me and Donna see it, it's to have a Kitty laugh and play us other off against each other. Muffin is very rude to Donna, and worships me, Miffim...well it's the reverse. This way Muffin is able to get twice as many rude sarcastic comments in a day! This cat does not suffer with any mental illness, but is just as cunning, scheming cat as you could ever meet (but we love her to death!)
We will confront Muffin upon her 'return' we cant wait to her her explanation, I'm sure you will hear all about it on her post tommorrow. I wonder if we can get a refund on all the extra cat goodies we purchased when we thought we had two cats?

Love and purrs

Ian and Donna, on behalf of Muufin-Willow xxx

Norweigan cat stud

2006-10-09T22:15:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens, trust you are all well, no furballs, Fleas, Ticks or Lymes disease? good, mew! Well settle in your favourite spot for my latest juicy Kitty news.
Sorry my Blog was written by Ian and Donna yesterday, hope it didn't bore you too much, but I was indisposed, Miaow!
Recently I have met a red hot stud-muffin of a Tom called Thor, I first saw his hunky swagger on a web cam from Longyearbyen in Spitzberen, my delicate refined side was replaced by the chav-cat within us all, and I mewed " I'm gonna shag that tom" So anyhoe, armed with Donna's Gold AMEX, I flew business class from Luton Airport to Bergen (paw room sure is tight with BA, even for a size 6 Kitten like me, mew) then an internal flight north to Longyearbyen. It didn't take long to find Thor, there must of been 20 floozie Kitties following him around town, tarts! Hiss! But as soon as he saw me, he only had eyes for me! I think my pink spangled hotpants first caught his roving eye! (pity about the -24c windchill though, mew!)
Well he invited me back to see his etchings at his swany pad, sooo kewl! all blue shagpile and green Lava lamps. We chatted about his work, he works as a mouser at the docks, hasn't seen one yet, but you never know! Imagine now if you will, waves crashing onto the beach in a 1950's movie, to save me the embarassment of describing what happened for the next 4 hours, meeew!
To ensure Ian and Donna cope on their own, my cousin, Miffim-Wallop, who just happens to live here, has been kind enough to commute daily to the UK to keep an eye on them!
Well must dash folks, my tongue is still frozen to this lampost..mew mew!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cat Schizophrenia?

2006-10-08T20:14:00.000+01:00

Hello Muffin-Willow's Dearest Readers,

We are having to write Muffin-Willow's blog today, as we believe that:
a) she is suffering fom Cat Schizophrenia
or
b) we now have two cats - although we never see them both at the same time!! Muffin-Willow AND Miffim-Wallop
and
c) we can put the record straight about the kebabs (no we weren't confined to either the bed or the toilet!)

Muffin-Willow disappears after breakfast - alledgedly to Longyearbyen to her new boyfriend Thor Love-Thunder-Hammer (Muffin first noticed him when she was viewing the Most Northerly webcam!) Shortly after, in through the patio doors wanders Miffim-Wallop, Muffin-Willow's lovely "cousin" from Longyearbyen. Then at dinner time, off goes Miffim and back comes Muffin!! Confused? We certainly are!!!!

Muffin-Willow is on great terms with Ian and totally rude about Donna (what, you hadn't noticed!!) and Miffim-Wallop is so lovely and polite to Donna and is even tolerant of Ian!!

It is very strange and confusing, given the fact that we never see them both together. They are more like identical twins rather than cousins. Although I would say that Miffim has a slightly more streamlined butt than Muffin - but that may just be a trick of the light.

Is anyone aware of any means of testing for Cat Schizophrenia and, more importantly(!) do you have a cure? Or DO WE HAVE TWO CATS!!

Hopefully Muffin-Willow will be back tomorrow!

Errr, Love and Purrs,

Umm? Muffin-Miffim-Wallop, Oh, we give up! xxxx

Blue Movie!

2006-10-07T22:20:00.000+01:00

Miaow dear readers,

Mew all! super quiet lazy day today, Ian and Donna suffering the inevitable outcome of their misadventure with Chav Kebab and chips, and appear bed bound for the day...Yaaay, mew! (thank gawd the plastic bin bags saved the bathroom, dont ask about the duvet, mew, phew!) So I had the run of the house, fridge, phone, you name it, to myself today (still no third item broken! mew, claws crossed!) After a long snooze on the leather sofa, followed by a bout of banter with those darn Doves, I decided to settle down and watch a video. Full stocked with nibbles (Pringles, Prawns, Smoked Salmon, and Tabasco sauce) I mooched through my video collection....wow!! found an old Adult home movie that me and Tom Cat made in the spring (any kittens reading, please log off now please, it's past the watershed dears, mew!) My it certainly got my kitty juices flowing I can tell you, had to cover the sofa in plastic bags to keep it dry, mew,mew! Dug out my favorite pink toy, ya know gals, umm...sorta Rabbit shaped, ya follow?? mew! A very pleasant hour followed, had to gag my mouth with Gaffer tape to avoid alerting Ian and Donna though, maiowyoooo, yisss,yisss, yissss!
Anyhoe, I'm over Tom Cat now, got a new real studmuffin of a Tom, long distance relationship though, but lust conquers all, mew! Blossom is welcome to Tom Cat, he's a mangy, flea ridden, two timing love cheat! But boy was he good in the bedroom department, meeew!
Anyhoe, gotta dash folks, cant keep this Video on pause forever!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Chav Kebab

2006-10-06T23:54:00.000+01:00

Miaow avid readers,

Miaow, nothing broke today! our dysfunctional family crisis is over, Miaow! To celebrate (and avoid using the oven...just in case, mew!) we decided to forgo our normal Tesco Finest ready made meals for tea, and join the massed ranks of Chavs and indulge in Kebab roll an chips for supper (I declined the Kebab, I at least have standards, mew! and had CO-OP Turkey on the bone, miaowlicious!) Ian and Donna wolfed their kebabs, and declared them yummy, gawd they were even sober at the time! mew. The heartburn is setting in now, food poisioning will not be far behind, yuck! Anyhoe, must dash, just gotta line the bathroom floor with bin bags for the inevitable eruptions to come, mew!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Broken Combi Boiler

2006-10-05T21:33:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little Kitties,

Well they say bad things happen in threes, mew! got my claws crossed that the third thing doesn't involve food! What with the weather being so chilly today, Ian thought this a good time to give the brand new central heating a good run out and check for leaks etc. I was over joyed, and curled up under the lounge radiator, mew! Unfortunatley the Combi Boiller ran for 20 minutes, then cut out! thermostat warning light on, miaow, woe! I must admit the radiators were so hot by this point I had scalded my tail, meyoowl! Daddy rang for a repair bod to come out....gonna be a long wait, just about everyone else in the UK had tried their central heating over the last couple of days, and they were stacked out with service calls, mew, double woe! The Thermostat light wont go out, so it's no hot water either (that doesn't worry me!) I have hibernated to the lounge chair to avoid frostbite, and am keeping out of Ian's way, (you can tell when he's really mad, he just keeps very quiet, rather than spout endless bullshit, mew) With any luck, the third bad thing wont happen! Hope to post more postive news tommorrow, mew!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

broken bed

2006-10-04T23:46:00.000+01:00

Miaow my curious kittens,

Cold and windy today, spent all day in the armchair snoozing, I hate the wind, it ruffles my new cut and blow dry too much, mew! I seem to be sleeping more and more these days, old age? Donna drugging me with Valium? or just the weather, only the Cat Gods know the answer.
My snoozing was disturbed at round about my Turkey treat time (8.00pm) when a huge bang from upstairs turned me from sleepy Kitty into a sprinting Panther (after I had Put my Nikes on, mew!) on the way upstairs, I could hear Ian and Donna talking in disbelief that the bed had broken....well...the images in my head were of two naked sweaty Minky Whales naked on the bed! To my surprise, both were full clothed, and the bottom left of the bed was at an angle resembling a dislocated paw, miaow! It turned out that Donna had sat on the end of the bed, and CRASH, it gave way (thank the lord I wasn't on it at the time, mew!)
On close inspection Ian or 'Dr Bodge job' as me and Donna call him, established one of the side batons had snapped, resulting in the collapse of many cross slats, and a a pile of sheared off 2" wood screws, miaow, woe, were would we sleep? After a ciggie and a coffee 'Dr bodge job' went to repair the bed structure, he called for his tool kit, (a BAD sign!) and asked to be left alone (he is getting quite stroppy at the moment, mew!) well an hour later, and 20 x 4" wood screws lighter, and covered in 'No More Nails For Wood' He came down stairs, and calmly announced the bed was fixed (But not to manufacturing specification, mew how the fear hit me!) Me and Donna checked it, it seemed OK, in fact, more sturdy that pre-collapse! The real Test will come tonight!
The moral of this story is DONT BUY FLAT PACK FURNITURE FROM ARGOS, IT'S CRAP! Well must dash folks, just gotta help un-glue daddy from the sofa, mew!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Raunds Northants (My Manor!)

2006-10-03T15:39:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little furballs,

Just a quick post today. For all of you who dont know where Raunds is, I have enclosed a map, so you can feel closer to me when reading my Blog! Raunds has a population of 8,800, most of them inbred so local folklore has it, mew!
Raunds main claim to fame besides the drunken teenagers outside the Spar, is that it held the UK official highest recorded Tempreature at 36.9c from 1911 until it was beaten by Cheltenham with 37.1C in 1990. (The current record is 38.5C recorded in Brogdale in August 2004) It is also the only place in the UK to record the Highest and lowest tempreatures any where in the UK in the same year! mew wow! The Met office station closed in the 70's, which seems so unfair, hiss! So people like me and Daddy keep the flame burning with our amatuer weather stations. Anyhoe, gotta dash folks, time to read the rain gauge, and check last nights grass minimum...Ohhh a Cat as a deputy observer! I'm so proud, miaow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Birthday Cat

2006-10-02T22:14:00.000+01:00

Miaow my dear friends,

I am rather devestated today, it was my 7th birthday on the 29th of September, and everyone forgot! (including me, mew!) Ian and Donna have promised to make it up to me at the weekend, and Auntie Lizzie sent an Email wishing me a happy belated birthday..Miaow!
To be frank, birthdays are no longer the ball of endless wool they used to be, rather a time to pretend I like the god damn awfull gifts I receive (last year Donna sent me a plastic ball full of ground glass!) that soon found it's way into her morning salted Ready Brek I can tell you! mew!
Seven is a hard age to be, your Kittenhood is behind you, and on your eighth birthday you become eligible for 'Senior' cat food, mew, sob! It's rather like you humans finding out your old enough to go on SAGA holidays! Well must dash, the old arthritis is giving this middle aged cat hell today, maiow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Weather report September 2006

2006-10-01T19:31:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens,

Being the first of the month, it's of course time for my 'I'm not just a pretty face post!' so anyhoe, prepared to be thrilled by Ian (and mine, I'm deputy observer dont you know! mew!)

YET ANOTHER recorded breaking month, Miaow! The UK as a whole recorded it's Warmest September since records began, following the same feat being achieved in July this this year. Provisional figures from the Met Office advise the CET (Central England Temp) which covers a triangle roughly defined by London, Bristol, and Manchester equals the previous high, set in 1729. This is the longest series of climate records in the world. Miaow, I think global warming may be true after all! mew (must stock up on bikini's!) Here in the South East Midlands of England we recorded an average maximum of 22.0c, and an average minimum of 13.5c. This was our warmest September on record (our records only go back to 1992 though!) and the first time that we have recorded a warmer September than the preceeding August. It's really turned Autumnal the last few days, Miaow, I wonder what October will bring?

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cat fishing

2006-09-30T14:29:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kitties,

Mew all, how ya doing? fleas all cleared up? good! I've been tempted for sometime to try a spot of fishing in next doors fish pond. I dont own a rod, so fashioned one out of a garden cane and spider web for fishing line (mew, I remember reading it's twice the strength of steel!!) I couldn't find a maggot for bait (and Ian wouldn't let be borrow his 'Wedding tackle' mew, mew!) so used a cheese and onion flavour pringle as a subsitute! So all kitted out I sneaked under the fence, stopped off for a 2 hour snooze on the way as a sunbeam hit me, and took position by the pond.
To be frank, I thought I might catch a Goldfish or two, but when I reeled in my first fish, imagine my shock to find it was a Turkey Zebra Fish!...I knew this was gonna be my lucky day, maiow! a Horse Mackerel was next, followed by a Sea Bass, a Red Snapper, a Blue Marlin, a Puffer Fish, a Seahorse, an Ocean Sunfish, a pale Chub, AND a Dorrado!! this was clearly a magical pool, miaow! After devouring the entire catch, I had to mew for hours for Ian to collect me! I was just too stuffed to move! Anyhoe, what a day, shame I stank of fish so much! when Donna came home, she was convinced it was her, mew! she spent 3 hours in a Dettol filled bath! I didn't have the heart to tell her and ruin her lazy soak in the bath! Well, mew, must dash still have fishbones stuck in my gullet, maiow!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Animal Crossing Animals deserted!!

2006-09-29T22:38:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kitties,

I have some shocking news to report regarding Donna and Animal Crossing!! She has abandoned the Animals of donanook for the new game she bought - New Super Mario Bros. Oh she is so cruel and heartless, miaow!

I can tell you that Aurora (the cute penguin) is ill and requires medicine, Kody (the muscle man) is desparate for green furniture and depending on Donna, as for Drake (the tasty looking duck, yum, miaow!) was supposed to visit at 11pm last night AND where was Haggis Chops at 11pm? Yes, you guessed it - trying to play on New Super Mario Bros (and not doing very well I can tell you, miaow), Aurora was left without medicine and may need to be hospitalised.

I think I may have to either steal her Mario game card, or take to looking after the animals myself.

Oh she is soooooooo cruel.

Lov and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Ford Ka, an ode to Scarlet

2006-09-28T13:58:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

Trust you are all well, and upto date on your worming tablets? Well, I haven't been killed by Auntie Lizzie yet, mew, phew, she must have been to drunk to read the post! I'm saved! Today I have decided to dedicate my post to my bestest friend Scarlet, and spent all last night writting an "Ode to Scarlet" I hope you all like it, you'd better, hisssss!

Scarlet looks superb and majestic,
From sunny Clapham, "The talk of the town"
With colour red silky metallic,
Her dignity will grow on it's own

Even the rich appear to go for her,
Five geared, with mileage nearly 42,
Such ample space for shopping; seats as soft as fur,
She's the Ka that all the Audi TT's want to woo.

She stands so cute outside the house,
And glows with beauty, all appreciate,
She's the Ka to make a perfect spouse,
Witty and pretty, she's never late.

With Scarlet, any distance you can go,
Comfort, style, she can even sew!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Evil Cival Servant (Auntie Lizzie)

2006-09-27T23:50:00.000+01:00

Miaow my avid readers,

Miaow, all, I can hold my forked tongue no longer! I have given Auntie Lizzie my word as a Cat not to identify her...mew so I cant! But she is an evil women, mew! I fear for my ninth life by just making this post, mewyooow! But an example of her scheming plotting mind, so typical of a senior Government offical must be told, miaow yiss!!
When she was a kitten, she took great pleasure in standing at the top of the stairs at her parents house, and screaming "Ian, stop it, owww, please dont hit me" she would have already pinched herself to show evidence of poor Ian's alledged crime! Mother used to run upstairs, comfort Lizzie, and punish poor Ian for nothing, mew! It is little wonder that Ian has grown up with a raft of mental health issues, and a fetish for latex and spandex, ohhh, mew!
I dread to think how she treats her staff and my bestest friend Scarlet, why, the poor car doesn't even have a car flap to use when it's cold outside! Anyhoe, the picture is an accurate likeness for Auntie Lizzie, I haven't broken my word by identifing her directly, but I'm sure some one will recognize her (with luck, the Government Minister she works for, mew!)...........come to think of it, Auntie Lizzie would make a great Cat! mew,mew,mew!
Anyhoe, gotta dash folks, just got to board up the front door, and hide in the shoe cupboard!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cat Hair

2006-09-26T12:30:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens,

Having another lazy day today, not much happening in the suburban savanna today. Decicided to snooze on the bed until dusk, then nip out and nab a brace of mice, miaow!
I'm going through a good moult at the moment, everytime I scratch, a cloud of hair drifts into the air, cool, mew! I think Ian was dropping a hint when I found this poem left under my breakfast bowel this morning! Perhaps I should try some of Donna's 'Herbal Essence Shampoo' ya know, the one with the cool ad? when the women is giving it "yiss, ohhh yisss, yisss, Yissss! (sounds like Donna on a Sunday morning!! mew, meeyoo!)

Cat hair on the duvet,
Cat hair on the chair,
Cat hair in the casserole,
Cat hair EVERYWHERE!
Cat hair on my best coat,
Even on the Mice,
You live and eat and breathe Cat hair,
When Muffin shares your house.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

YOUR FIRED!!!!

2006-09-25T17:42:00.000+01:00

Miaow my devoted readers,

YISS, YOUR FIRED!!!

Sorry about that shock, mew! Just to give you all a kick start up the ass on a Monday morning, mew,mew,!!!

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Glasgow

2006-09-24T16:30:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers,

Miaow, miaow, miaow miaow!!!! How exciting has my weekend been! The wonderful Donna had to fly to Glasgow yesterday for work (and to squeeze in a visit to her dad!) and GUESS WHAT?!? She took me with her!! Oh it was so exciting as I had no idea that she had hatched this plan. Oh she is soooooo wonderful, miaow.

The first clue I had was when I saw two bags sitting by the door as she was about to leave. She was about to get into the car to go to the airport, and then she told me to jmp in as I was going with her.

She though it would be a good excuse for me to research my family tree - I am afterall related to Robert the Bruce, miaow!

Anyhoe, we got to the airport and checked in, went through security and hit the duty free. Oh we had such fun in the make-up and perfume department. It made the fact that our flight was delayed all the more bearable, miaow!

The flight was rather pleasant, and we arrived in Glasgow to be greeted with blue skies and bright sunshine (no, I couldn't believe it either readers, miaow!). Donna then headed of to Annan and I headed into the city. Rather than trace my roots I hit the shops. I could not believe the number of designer stores - look out Daddy, this months credit bill will be astronomical, mew!

In the evening I hit the town and went dancing, and met myself a handsome cool cat called Hamish - ooh he was lovely, mew.

Sunday afternoon came too quickly, and it was soon time for Donna to finish at work and come collect me for our return journey home.

What more can I say but thank you Donna, you are so lovely (sometimes, miaow!)

Till next time.

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Pet Spider

2006-09-23T23:34:00.000+01:00

Miaow my avid readers,

I have never really quite managed to understand Donna and Ian (I speak Human, but that's not the point) During this very warm September the windows and patio doors (my tradesmans enterance, mew!) have been open a lot, as a result the house is full of Daddy Long Legs (and gawd only knows what else!!) We must of been putting 20 a night out recently. Of course I have done my bit, if I have been bored I've pounced on the odd one or two.
We also have lots of spiders! one in particular lives at the top of the patio window, and Ian keeps getting his face caught in the web all the time, mew, mew! Donna, being a short arse, doesn't suffer this problem! Anyhoe, they have learnt to tolerate this 8 legged monster, as they noticed that it's web is usually full of insects, so have allowed it to stay in situ, as Ian says "it's earning it's keep" I think that was aimed at me, miaow! They have even started to feed it!! ohh, yisss, I kid you not! they pop a couple of Daddy Long Legs in it's web each evening, boy does that spider shift quick when food hits it's web. They take great pleasure in watching it eat, all thats left by morning is a dried husk dropped on the floor. It even has a name now! Harriett, I ask you miaow!
Perhaps I'm parionoid, but are they planning to replace me with her! mew!! Well just in case I will be on best behavoir for a while to play safe! Well must dash folks, just going to buff up the kitchen floor with my tail, a cats work is never done, mew!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Advice for kittens

2006-09-22T15:37:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers,

Well after yesterdays hot sunshine, it's just been raining Dogs and Dogs today, retired to the bed to write some words of wisdom for my younger kitten readers. I have used Bagpuss as a picture, beacause he is without doubt the wisest and coolest cat I have ever met (we dated when we were younger, mew!) I hope and kittens reading this take note, these words of wisdom may save you much distress, and enrich your life at the same time, Miaow!

Beware bathtubs, they are tricky, and can get your paws wet without warning!

Miaowing gets treats from Humans.

Humans make great pillows, if you can stop them wriggling!

When crawling into tight spaces, keep an eye on the exit!

Moderation is for Mice; eat all the food in your bowl, and it'll be refilled.

Love and purrs.

Muffin-Willow xxx

Hurricane Maria

2006-09-21T21:00:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens,

Hi guys, trust everyone well, no Ticks or Fleas? good! Here in good old Blighty we have been following the track of ex Hurricane Maria with interest, because although now downgraded to a Tropical Storm, it's making a bee line for us! Dire warnings were issued by the Met Office of winds gusting to 80/90mph....but anyhoe it just missed us! mew! as you can see from the map, it's now on a collision course with Iceland, STILL rated as a Tropical Storm. UNHEARD OF Miaow! As it happened we were on the warm side of the storm, and although very windy (I lost my Burbury Berret, mew!) we enjoyed cloudless skies and 30C (86F) unseasonably hot for late September. As a matter of interest, we are currently running at 4c above our September average, mew phew! what on earth is happening to the weather?
Well gotta dash folks, my cat milk is turning sour in all this heat. Perhaps I jumped the gun in putting the central heating on, as it's the first day of Autumn?

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Arctic Webcam!

2006-09-20T21:56:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens,

http://www.svein-nordahl.com/webcamlyb-01.htm

Hope your all well, and no one has fleas or furballs! You REALLY must check out this web cam from the land of my origin Svalbard (Spitzbergen) in the Arctic ocean. It is situated in the port of Longyearbyen. I lived there for a year whilst involved in a a Catnip smuggling ring, mew! At nearly 80 degrees north, it claims to be the most northerly web cam in the world ( if you look closley, bottom left on the archived picture from September 2004, you can just see me disemboweling an Elk, Miaow) Please check it out, it is addictive.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Mouser Muffin

2006-09-19T14:19:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little furballs,

Mew all, spent a very pleasant day in the garden today, half shade and half sun, purrfect! Perchance some rustling alerted my feline senses to MICE!, seeing I was soooo comfortable, and mice are at there most active dawn and dusk, I decided to investigate later (why waste a sunny warm day?)

Anyhoe, later in the evening, we were all having supper, Donna and Ian had Toad in the Hole, I had my usual plate of of Honey roast turkey. We all eat on the floor, using a free newspaper as a tablecloth, or the Times if we are feeling posh or eating Tesco Finest. Miaow, you may wonder why we eat on the floor, well since the fire (ahem!) we dont have a table, just a breakfast bar (which will not accomadate Donna's ample frame, let alone Ian's at he same time, mew!) As soon as I see that paper go down, I camp on it, sometimes upto an hour and wait for my supper.

After wolfing mine down, it was a comment made, "She came, she ate, she went" that made me remember the mice! I'm often accused of contributing nothing to the house except Furballs, vomit, and bad odours, miaow! cutting! So I saw this as golden chance to pop some food on the table for the guys. I stalked back to where I had heard the rusting (after changing into a camoflage catsuit first!) and behold...a nest of field mice...ohh joy! caution thrown to the wind, I bellyflopped onto the nest, and picked a mid sized, rather dazed mouse, clasped it tightly between my gums, and proudly took my prey to the dinner table (ahem newspaper!) Ohh how I laughed as Ian congratulated me, and Donna reeled back in Horror yelling "Muffins got a mouse!" mew, mew! Ian lifted the mouse by the tail, to check if it was still alive, at once I snatched it back, Miaow, it was just a symbolic act, not for sharing!! The mouse was later found on the patio, sucked and gummed to death. I did redeem myself with Donna later, by pouncing on two Daddy Long Legs in the lounge (I normally ignore these, but was still feeling playfull, Miaow!) Donna hates them, and even said I was a "good Cat!) Miracles never cease!

Anyhoe, must dash folks, still have my copy of National Geographic to read (big section on Tigers this month! I still need a new poster to cut out for the inside of the shoe cupboard now that Tom Cat is history....meeewwwwl!!!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cat Haiku (dedicated to Scarlet)

2006-09-18T14:37:00.000+01:00

Miaow my cultered readers,

Miaow all! I hope you will forgive me indulging in some Haiku for you today (it's becomming a regular monday feature, mew!) These little works of Feline art are dedicated to my bestest friend Scarlet, purr! who I didn't have a chance to call last night, due to, umm?? yiss a blizzard, ahem! Cant wait to hook up soon Scarls honey.

The rule for today-
Touch my tale, I'll shred your hand,
New rule tommorrow!

Grace personified
I leapt into the window
I meant to do that.

My small cardbord box
You can not see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Truth

2006-09-17T15:18:00.000+01:00

Miaow my loyal kittens,

Well Haggis Chops finally dragged herself home just after noon today - the dirty stop-out, miaow!

She told me that they went for a drink and then some yummy Chinese food at The Imperial (her favourite restaurant) and after that they decided to go to one of the sleazier clubs in town for dancing. She is still denying that she had tickets to see the Hunken-Dales, BUT I know better!! Yiss!

However, all was (almost, miaow) forgiven as she brought the beautiful Abi with her for a visit to see Auntie Muffin. She certainly knows the buttons to press for me to believe her, miaow! Never fear, further investigations will be taking place, miaow - I'm thinking truth serum and lie detector tests. Jut remember Donna "The Truth Will Out".

I had to send Ian out to the shops immediately to buy Abi the kitten hat she is wearing in the photo - how cute is she, miaow. Takes after Auntie Muffin don't you think?

Until tomorrow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Male strippers

2006-09-16T20:11:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

Well the truth is out about Donna now, Miaow! She had told Ian she was going for a Chinese meal with work colleagues, to celebrate a birthday, AND may not be back until SUNDAY morning!! mew? My feline senses at once smelt Haddock (and it wasn't Donna's bum!), augmented by Donna asking to borrow a litre of Swarfega, as she'd run out of Baby oil, so before she left I decided to check her handbag...tickets for the 'Hunken-Dales'! Miaow! Ohh, the liar! Being a responsible cat, I slipped a pack of Condoms into her bag, just 'in case'. Well... down the stairs she came, made up like a painted Russian doll, with a plunging top that exposed her belly button fluff! (wonder where she got that, mew!) and off she went! leaving an arthritic old Cat and a 40 something year old hopeless male to fend for themselves. NO food had been left for us, mew! so we had to cope on our own. After 2 hours, we managed to get the lid off a pot of garlic, and wolfed it down with a mug of water from the toilet bowl, Mmm, Miaow!..NOT! Anyhoe, we got a text message from Donna at 1130pm, expressing undying love, blah, blah, blah, to be frank, she must of been so drunk at the time, we couldn't read most of it, mew!
We retired to bed, and slept fitfully, worried sick about her. When we woke at 9.00am, SHE still wasn't home, well... Just another text sent at 4.30am, expressing, hmm, something, we couldn't read a word...guilty as charged Miaow! I took the liberty of changing all the keys (in hindsight, maybe I should have changed the locks?) Ohhh, that hussey... she wasn't setting foot in my manor again! Must dash folks, Ian has managed to get the lid off a tube of pringles for breakfast, Yaaay!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Hot or not?

2006-09-15T11:35:00.000+01:00

Miaow my avid readers,

Thought I'd treat you to a picture of Ian, on Holiday in Tunisa, (note the relaxed look, he hadn't met Donna yet, Miaow!! Hot or Not???

Love and Purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Hailstorm

2006-09-14T21:36:00.000+01:00

Miaow my avid readers,

What a day, Miaow! I was enjoying a pleasant snooze in in the garden, keeping a close eye on a pesky Grey Squirrel that's moved into my Manor (economic migrant from the USA, I presume, mew!) Out of know where, the sky turned as black as Donna's mood (and magic) a little light rain began to fall, then the hevens unleashed a 10 minute torrent of huge hail stones. I had of course packed my brolly and wellies for such sudden inclement weather, but such was the size of the hail, I could only run for the cat flap, leaving my copy of "OK Cat Hello" behind, Sudoku half finished! By the time I got Indoors, I looked like a Slush Puppy! I spent the next hour combing Ice the size of Melons out of my glossy fur (have to book another session at 'A Cat above the Chav Salon) Knowing that ice is actually for sale in bags in supermarkets, it seemed a shame to waste it! Donna commented on how unusal her Single Malt Scotch in the rocks (in a pint tumbler, mew!) tasted, even accused me of watering it down with 'Kitty Malt' Miaow!!
Must dash folks, just going to skulk around the street, not that I'm looking for Tom Cat and Blossom (Feline tart) Hissssss!!!!!! Ps the Doves finished the Sudoku!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin Willow xxx

Tesco Cat food, yummy!!

2006-09-13T21:03:00.000+01:00

Miaow my avid readers,

I was going to do a taste test on various Cat foods for you today.....But there is ONLY one cat food!! ohh, Miaow yiss! Tesco Finest, available in tender chicken breast, or Tuna varieties. Each contains over 70% real meat, compared to the normal 4%, with a mix of Vitamins and minerals to keep me in tip top shape.
Both Donna and Ian will vouch for the quality of taste, Ian has used it in curry's, and Donna eats it cold out the tin, yum! So forget the rest, and buy the best!!!

This post was sponsored by Tesco Stores Ltd, Ware Hertfordshire, Uk. WWW.TESCO.COM

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Creation (according to a Cat)

2006-09-12T12:51:00.000+01:00

Miaow my loyal kittens,

While digging a hole in next doors prize flower bed for my morning abolutions, mew, I stumbled across an old stone tablet! after a vigorous clean with Donna's Cashmere sweater, I was able to read the carved writting, and unearth the real truth behind Creation, and the hand of God!!! The stone tablet read as follows (must admit, it didn't surprise me at all!)

On the first day of creation, God created the Cat...On the second day of creation, God created man to serve the Cat...On the third day of creation, God created all the animals of the world to serve as potential food for the Cat...On the fourth day of creation, God created honest toil, so the man could labour for the Cat...On the fifth day of creation, God created the Catnip ball so the Cat may play or not play with it...On the sixth day of creation, God created Veterinary Science to keep the Cat healthy and the Man broke...On the seventh day God tried to rest, but he had to scoop out the litter box... Yisss, it's a Cats world after all!...Amen

Love and Purrs.

Muffin-Willow xxx

Poetry in motion

2006-09-11T12:04:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens,

Miaow, another fab late summers day, hot and sunny, but have my Brolly with me in case of thunderstorms! mew!! Just had a Full on groom last night, dont want to ruin my silky smooth coat!

As the purrfect example of feline purrfection, I've noticed that I dont get the adoration that I deserve, mew! So, the solution came to me last night while playing twister on the bottom of the bed with Donna's legs (think she was dreaming she was pole dancing, AND, with that figure, Miaow!) I would write my own poem to celebrate my undoubted glory. It's called "Muffin-Willow, our God" I do hope you enjoy it, if not, just hit the Next Blog button you uneducated, cultureless chavs, hissss!

I know I was designed to be
Adored by all who encounter me
With glossy fur and opal eyes
My glory's sure to mesmerize
Those hapless Humans who think that
A Dogs a Dog; a Cats a Cat
will surely come around to see
The Miracle thats me.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

No More Photos, PLEASE!!

2006-09-10T22:27:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers,

Oh what a wonderful day I have had looking after Abi! We had such fun teaching her the ways of a kitten.

We pounced and chased, we ate food and snoozed - what more could a kitty ask for? She is such a wonderful, perfect student.

The only problem of the day was that Donna and Ian kept taking her photo, and there comes a point in the kitty day when you have to say "no more photos!", miaow. They can be very exhausting.

Must dash folk, one final task to teach Abi - how to catch her own antelope and deliver the coup de grace!!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Shooting Star

2006-09-09T21:06:00.000+01:00

Miaow my cosmic readers,

Had a fab lazy kitty day, enjoying the late summer sunshine, lots of moths and Daddy Long Legs to amuse me at this time of year. Really excited about Abi's visit tomorrow (she'll have the skills of a Panther cub when she leaves my tutorage!) and no, I didn't forget the Rusk flavour Pringles for Abi!
Ian got dreadfully excited last night, as he saw 9 shooting stars (Wishy the Star) on his Animal crossing game. You normally see one a night if your lucky. Ian thought the game had a glitch and sat transfixed for over an hour with his finger poised over the 'A' button to wish on ths plague of stars, expecting a rare gift for each one. His face was a picture this morning when he checked his mailbox and only had one gift.. a skeleton! mew! Must dash now folks, still got lots to get ready for Abi's visit (Hmm, will I need extra Swarfega and No More nails I wonder?) Miaow!

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

I'm Sooooooooooo Excited!!

2006-09-08T13:49:00.000+01:00

Miaow beloved readers,

Ohh, I am soooo excited today, miaow! Abi sent me a text this afternoon to see if I would look after her on Sunday while David and Kim decorate her bedroom. What else could I say but YAAAAY!!

Donna is collecting her at 11.30am, so my duties will commence at approximately noon!

I have decided that we will spend some of the day teaching her how to be a kitten - well she is the most gorgeous kitten already, even if I say so myself, miaow. We will spend some time in the garden honing her hunting skills, I have decided that we will use my mouse on a string and run around with it for her to catch and teach her to stalk and pounce on her prey, miaow!!

After a late lunch, its turkey for me and Abi is quite partial to banana's at lunchtime, I shall get Donna and Ian to take us to the shops. We can at last take advantage of the Parent and Child Parking spaces at Tesco. Why don't they have Parent and Cat Parking, mew?

After a jaunt around Tesco, with all of my adoring public staring at Abi (rather than me! but for once I won't mind, miaow) we will come home and have a snooze. Once the snooze is over, I shall test her on her hunting skills to see if she has taken in anything I taught her. I know she will as she is so clever - well she is related to me, miaow!

Unfortunately she will need to be home for six, in time for her dinner and bathtime. I will of course ensure that she is returned safely(and odour free!) to David and Kim.

Well I must dash folks, I need to start making the house kitten-proof.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Plastic surgery!

2006-09-07T13:01:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little luvvies,

Miaow all, I recieved a distressing comment from my bestest friend Scarlet (see my post 6th August) she was most upset that I had indicated that Donna was now my bestest friend. Miaow, I must clarify the situation, I dictated my last couple of posts to Donna, who in an attempt to paint herself in a brighter light misquoted me, Hisss, slander queen!!! mew! SCARLET IS MY BESTEST FRIEND and I love her to death, weight problems and mental health issues and all, mew! Now Scarlet has long fancied a nip and tuck, and a course of Botox. I have used a CAD program to show how she will look after a course of treatment at Poodle and Peke Cosmetics (registered for tax purposes in the Caymen Islands, Ivory Coast law applies) As long as dear Scarlet loves the new image, I'll book the treatment on Donna's Gold AMEX, miaow! I do hope she'll forgive this misunderstanding, mew, mew. Must dash, Donna's having a bath, and I'm sure some caustic soda and bleach will enhance her bathing experience, hiss!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Animal Crossing rainbow

2006-09-06T11:31:00.000+01:00

Miaow avid readers,

Yesterdays shopping was a great success, I borrowed (stole, ahem) Ian's credit card and bought myself a sleek Nintendo DS Lite and my own copy of Animal Crossing. I have decided to see for myself what all the fuss is about, miaow!

My land is full of beautifull prey, although none as beautiful as me, miaow! Imagine my joy on my first day in my town called "Feline deminia" (or should that be Alice?!) that I was given the honour of a beautiful rainbow. I have heard that rainbows only appear once a year, how lucky was I to have my cam-phone (complete with blue-tooth, Irad, 3G, wi-fi, and a 120gb hard drive) to honour this rare event? mew.

I had to take the picture so that Ian and Donna would believe me, that they are not so lucky as I am, miaow.

Oh what fun I have been having shaking trees, catching fish (with one paw, of course, miaow!) and generally bossing my residents around and playing Queen of the Kingdom. ...............

Charley Farley look out, I will become a biger megalomaniac than you!!

Must dash, there are butterflies to be caught!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

The Object of My Desire

2006-09-05T13:39:00.000+01:00

Miaow my dearest readers,

I am pleased to let you know that today I am hangover free, miaow! Never again!

Ohh, I was so glad that Donna came home from Wales last night so that we could have a cat to woman chat about my partee problems, she is so lovely and understanding (sometimes, miaow!).

I have posted a picture of Ginger Tom (my own work, miaow!), the cause of all my pain and upset. I have not seen him or Blossom since the partee and a good thing to, I can tell you. Donna tells me that revenge is best left to stew for a while and oh how sweet it will be when the time comes, miaow. All I can say is "Blossom you better watch your Missoni catsuit and Miu Miu matching shoes and bag".

Anyhoe, I must dash, Donna and I are off to Starbucks for coffee and then having a girlie shopping expedition. Oh what a wonderful girl she is!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Hangover

2006-09-04T21:55:00.000+01:00

Miaow dear readers,

Mew, suffering the after effects of yesterdays Vodka binge, so just a mini post today, maiow. My head feels like it's full of a thousand hyperactive kittens chasing a ball of wool, and my poor tummy feels like a cement mixer filled with shedded claws, ohhh mewl!
One thing I'm sure of, is that, that, wanton floozy kitty Blossom will shortly be losing one of her nine lives, TART! Must dash, time for another 'Hair of the dog' ps at least I can spell my name today! Normal service will resume tommorrow.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Partee (3) it's here!!

2006-09-03T12:43:00.000+01:00

Miaow my little kittens,

Hic! hi all, my partee was a disaster, in fact one of the worst days of my nine lives. My distress is such that I have had to borrow Donna's super secret bottle of Vodka (hidden in the kitchen waste pipe!) Hic! just to upset to tell you about it, so have written a song to sum up my feline depair. I've called it "It's my Partee" I'll just down this Vodka shot and begin, hic!

No kitty knows where my Tom Cat has gone
But Blossom left the same time
Why was he holding her paw?
When he's supposed to be mine
It's my partee and I'll mewl if I want to
Miaow if I want to, yowl if I want to
You would hiss too, if it happened to you
Trash all my toys, keep eating all night
But let me hide away for a while
Til Tom Cats smooching with me, I've got no reason to purr
It's my partee and I'll mewl if I want to
Miaow if I want to, yowl if I want to
You would hiss too, if it happened to you
Blossom and Tom Cat just barged through my flap
Like a Queen withe her Tom
Oh, what a partee surprise
Blossom's wearing his bell
It's my partee and I'll mewl if I want to
Miaow if I want to, yowl if I want to
You would hiss too, if it happened to you.

Appologies to to Bryan Ferry, or who ever owns the copycat, hic, sorry, copyright. Retiring to bed now, to drink myself to sleep, Hurrrgh, feel sick!

Love and tears, hic!

Miffin-Wallop xxx

Wind Farm aids hunting!!

2006-09-02T21:06:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest kittens,

Well today was the day of the great Buffalo migration! Each year on the 1st Sat in September, these huge prey make the move from Woburn Abbey back to the plains of the Africa. It's a time of bounty for a born killer such as moi! The leader of the Buffalo herd, Billy, has a worse sense of direction than Donna when drunk! He cant use map, and a compass is somthing you find on a ship...duh miaow.
As usual the pack headed due Northeast, as opposed to Southeast, heading not for the channel tunnel, but nearby Great Addinginton. During this 20 mile excursion, the herd have to make the life threatening passage across the raging torrents of the mighty river Nene (pronounced 'Nen' to us local humans and Cats) It is normally at this point they realise the wrong turn they have made and head back to Woburn via nearby Rushden. To far for me, miaow! an hour on the no 47 bus! BUT this year....they built a wind farm at Great Addington, and turbines point at us! (maybe a plan to cool down the summers!) The moment the Buffalo had made it across the raging Nene, they were caught in the airflow of 14 huge turbines, already weak, they were blown back acrosss the river and straight towards Raunds, imagine my exitement!! across the fields they blew like tumble weeds in the desert. A gusty Westerly wind made things even better, as they were diverted right up my street. I was like a kitten in a wool shop! where to start? in the end I picked a target, ohh, about a 2 ton male I'd guess (ahem!) wiggled my pert booty to line myself up..AND POUNCE! I delivered the coup de grace and within seconds, this mobile beefburger on hoofs was dead. I dragged my kill into the garden, lightly seasoned it with sea salt, black pepper, and ranch sauce and tucked in. Ohh miaow how I made a pig of myself, ate the lot, except for the left haunch, which I popped into the freezer for the Ian and Donna. I also saved the entrails, they will be ideal for pate for tommorows partee!! so sneaked them inside and crammed them in the fridge salad drawer to keep fresh. What a fab day, Miaow everyday should be like this, mew!
The last I heard of the remaining Buffalo was that they came to halt at Stansted, and have booked flights with Easy Jet to Cairo, I suppose they will walk from there.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Weather report August.

2006-09-01T12:44:00.000+01:00

Miaow beloved readers,

In my once a month ' I'm not just a pretty face' post, I will now thrill you with Ian's monthly weather summary for August (Yawn, mew!)
After the instense heat of July, August felt like October at times, I certainly spent much of the month dodging the showers and brisk Northwest wind (Ahh the joys of my cat sofa, and South facing french windows)
Imagine my feline surprise when Ian told me it was about as 'near to average' August as you can get! I suppose after July, a week in a sauna in a thermal catsuit would feel cool, mew! It was also the coolest and wettest August since 1999, guess we have all been spoilt by global warming! Anyhoe, the bottom line figures were as follows..
Average maximum 20.5C, average minimum 12.5C, mean 16.5C (-0.1C) rainfall 66mm (+38%) sunshine was 5% above long term average (thank the Cat Gods most of the rain fell overnight!)
Hope you found that interesting, better than watching Richard and Judy, mew! I'll be back tommorrow with the usual madcap feline antics. Must dash, have to check the rain gauge for Ian! ( I do kinda enjoy the weather, useful for honing hunting tactics, purr!!!!!!)

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Hide and Seek

2006-08-31T13:06:00.000+01:00

Miaow avid, loyal readers,

Decided to play Hide and Seek with next doors Ginger Tom today as there was nothing else going on! I drew the short straw, so Tom got to hide first and I had to count to 10.

Managed to get to 2 (miaow) and go seek. Tom had decided to hide in the apple tree, what problems I had getting up that trunk to find him. There was nothing else for it but to get out the No More Nails to help get a grip on the trunk. I liberally smeared the trunk with the No more Nails and took a run at it. Disaster struck, mew! I managed to get half way up the trunk before it took hold and Tom had to call for the local Fire Brigade to come and rescue me!

Along they came with lights flashing and sirens blaring, I almost wet myself with the excitement of all those hunky men in uniform, miaow! They eventually rescued me with the help of a hydraulic lift and several hoses, but I'm ok. Well apart from losing a couple of my claw exensions (especially for the partee on Sunday) but I'm off to the Claw Bar tomorrow to get them repaired.

You will be happy to hear that they have all agreed to pop over on Sunday to nibble on a few Pringles.

Well I must dash, its my turn to hide and won't be hiding up the apple tree, miaow!

Till next time dear readers.

Love and purrs,

Mufin-Willow xxx

House Partee (2)

2006-08-30T14:40:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers

Just found out today that Haggis Chops has to go to Cwmbran on Sunday for work and will have to stay overnight!! Let the partee plans begin - yay!!

She has to leave early on Sunday morning, so I have the whole day to arrange the Pringles and decide which outfit to wear (shall I go for early autumnal or a last stab at summery? decisions, decisions - miaow)

Of course you are all invited, however I am not sure that the vicar will be able to make it. He is still in hospital following the last partee and, of course Sunday is his busy day - miaow!

Haggis has never been to Wales before (and it being the land of her ancestors, talk about multi-cultured, miaow!), so I imagine it will be educational for her. Of course, I have already started to write my present list and no it doesn't include sheep, mew! (except wool!)

Must dash folk, need to fluff up the angora cushion on my lovely new sofa. Ohh... how I love a bit of wool sucking, I'm sure there is a nipple in there somewhere, miaow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Haiku's of the Cat

2006-08-29T13:11:00.000+01:00

Miaow luvvies,

Still feeling a little ill after yesterdays post, so have decided to treat us all to another small selection of Haiku, written in my leather bed last night.

I only want you
To pay attention to me
When I want you to.

It's five in the morn.
With purrs and whisker tickles
I wake my daddy.

How embarrassing!
To be gracefull and refined,
Then fall from my perch.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Constipation!!!

2006-08-28T21:52:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest, avid readers,

I can only just bring myself to write this post, but the public has a right to know! Ian has been suffering with constipation for over a week, eight days without a, err, poop poop! (he once went thirteen days poop free on holiday in Florida!) Being a man, and obsessed with his bowel habits, he has given poor Donna a running account of events for the last week. When yesterday he mentioned that his bowels were grumbling, Donna was on her way pronto to her mothers for a few hours on the Sloe Gin.
I resisted the temptation to flee anywhere! and decided to be there for Ian in his moment of need. I prepared lots of towels, boiling water, Pringles (it could be a long wait!) and Dettol. I sat outside the toilet door while Ian positioned himself on his Royal throne, and took a deep intake of breath to ready himself for the inevitable agony to come. I will spare you the details (this is a highbrow BLOG you know miaow!) surfice to say when the 'motion' was passed 10 minutes later, it sounded like someone dropping a ten pin bowling ball off a diving board into a swimming pool!! The local news later reported a small earthquake, as windows and doors rattled in the nearby Village!
I just couldn't resist a quick peek (scientific research only!) Ohh my Gawd... I called the Vicar without delay, this 'thing' needed a name and the last rites performed before being flushed (if the drainage system would take it) The Vicar couldn't attend, I forgot he was still in hospital after my recent Partee! So I said a little kitty prayer, and named it 'Furball' before it was flushed (kinda like being burried at sea!) Well! did Ian feel better, ten pounds lighter too! I remain convinced that Furballs caused the problem, and will start mixing the remedy in with his coffee with immediate effect!
I promise my normal quality, cultured reading will return tommorrow. Must dash folks, Donna's sent me to clean the toilet pan again, MAIOW!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

My Own Sofa

2006-08-27T20:30:00.000+01:00

Maiow dearest readers,

Well Donna and Ian went shopping today and was all for moi!! Well apart from Donna's vodka and a little bit of food to stave off their hunger pangs.

The best purchase that the made was my very own real faux leather (antelope, I believe) sofa with its own real faux wool cushion (angora, I believe). Its so lovely how Armani were able to come up with something that the current furniture in the lounge was able to co-ordinate with - it would all have had to go otherwise, miaow.

It is so comfortable - more than the chair behind it ever was.

It just goes to prove that for all their faults (believe me, there are lots of them) they really do have their good points (don't they?)

Well I must dash - I need to check that the food and milk and treats that they have bought me are up to standard!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Long Grass

2006-08-26T14:12:00.000+01:00

Miaow devoted readers,

This is the latest picture of me in the savannah that is our back garden. It has started to green up again with all the rain we have had this month (50.5mm to be precise) and the humans have been so lazy that they haven't been out to cut it yet. Another job for Cinderella I suppose, miaow!

However, for all their failings in the garden department (and the house isn't much better I can tell you, miaow!), it proves very good for stalking wild animals. I spent most of the morning waiting for an elusifve wildebeest but with no joy - perhaps they are night creatures (unlike myself - I prefer to spend my nights on the bed).

Perhaps I will have better luck tomorrow.

Till then dear friends.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Fixing The Central Heating

2006-08-25T22:01:00.000+01:00

Miaow devoted readers,

Brrrrr, it was so chilly today when I was left home alone (AGAIN, miaow!) that I had to put the central heating on. How inconsiderate of Donna to have taken all of her angora sweaters to the cleaners!

Unfortunately Ian has had to put child proof locks on the temperature gauge as Donna always turns it up too high - you wouldn't think she would feel the cold what with her being Scottish!! So, what else was Muffin to do but get out the vaseline and No More Nails!! What joy I had using the vaseline to remove the locks (well no-one said they were cat-proof, miaow!) and the No More Nails to put everything back together again!

Must dash folks, need to clear up the evidence before the humans get home.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Dedicated to Donna

2006-08-24T12:31:00.000+01:00

Miaow dedicated readers,

I decided it would only be fair to dedicate a post to Donna today, as I dedicated one to Ian yesterday, miaow!

So I have decided to dedicate this to Donna's problem with alcohol (one mouth, two hands, miaow!).

As well as her knickers in her vodka drawer (hee hee!) and vodka in the freezer, I found her beer supply in the toilet cistern! How did I find this you are asking? Well as you know I am treated like Cinderella in this house and todays job was to clean the bathroom with a toothbrush (Donna's of course, miaow), including the inside of the toilet cistern.

What a quandary I am in, do I tell Ian of my latest find or do I go for some serious blackmail with Donna (well the autumn designer catsuit collections are about to hit Harvey Nicks).

Tell me what you think dearest readers, I promise to go with the majority view.

Till next time dear friends.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Dedicated to Ian.

2006-08-23T12:01:00.000+01:00

Miaow dear readers,

Feeling loved up today, so have written a poem describing how I felt when Ian and I first met at the Cat Protection Shelter......Ahem....

Cant you hear my Miaow as you walk on by?

In my cage I dream and long for a loving home,

I will purr in your lap, not alone in the alley I used to roam,

Oh please dont leave without me today,

I'll give you love, laughter, and in Kitty language will chat,

You stopped to open my cage, and you can almost hear me say,

Thanks for choosing me, one tired and lonley rescue cat.

Love and Purrs.

Muffin-Willow

Green grass

2006-08-22T12:21:00.000+01:00

Miaow loyal readers,

We have green grass again! So much kinder on my delicate paws! The picture on the left is from my post "Heatwave" from 17th July, during the hottest Month recorded in the U.K. We had only had 3mm of rain in the previous 7 weeks. The picture on the right, taken today shows Englands green and pleasant land has returned! (excuse the bin bags, all Donna's empty Vodka bottles) This follows 70mm of rain in the last 3 weeks.
Of course it has it's downsides, I'm forever dashing for cover as the thunderclouds gather, but thank gawd that awfull heat has gone. More like October now. Gotta dash folks, must dig out my thermals!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Potato snacks

2006-08-21T12:36:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest, avid readers.

I'm sorry guys, but I'm on my 'High Horse' today. My regular readers will know that I am not adverse to a particular brand of 'Dehydrated, reformed potato snack' of the circular variety, I cant mention the name for fear of legal action being taken for libel or slander, but this snack bears the same brand name as a popular jumper, rhymes with Dingles, and the picture possibly may give a clue to the sharp minded!!
Imagine my joy when Donna purchased a pack of the above mentioned snack, in their new 'GOURMET' range! my mouth was drooling at the thought of Tiger Prawn and crushed Garlic flavour, Mmmmm! The packet portrayed cloves of Garlic, and a net which I presumed refered to the Tiger Prawns. I couldn't wait to be offered some, so distracted Donna with a glass of Polish Vodka and popped the pack (I really had the munchies still, following my over indulgence on the Skunk Catnip!) I crammed about 5 in my delicate mouth, waiting for Tiger Prawn and crushed Garlic to caress my taste buds.....WHAT!! darn things tasted like glorified Prawn Cocktail flavour!! not the Gourmet snack I had expected.
WELL, I read the ingredients at once, I was shocked. I wont list the full contents (you'll be reading E numbers for an hour....Miaow!) just the flavourings
3xflavour enhancers, monsodium glutamate, disodium guanylate, and disodium inosinate. Garlic flavour, onion powder, citric acid, and paprika extract. Kinda reads like the ingredient list for Prawn cocktail methinks, abeit with Garlic flavour!
If you happen to read this PROCTOR AND GAMBLE, you've just lost a loyal cat customer. Ohh and if you try to sue, dont forget I'm a cat, not a legal entity, also cats are not classed as chattles like daft dogs, so you couldn't sue my owners, as they are not responsible for me, or own me, mew,mew,mew. Well must dash guys, cos once you've popped you just cant stop!!!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Bug-Off!!

2006-08-20T21:43:00.000+01:00

Miaow loyal readers,

Well the children spent most of their afternoon playing on Animal Crossing. Their excuse?? It was the Bug-Off competition and there were trophies to be won. Please!!!!!!! its not real it's a game!!

Haggis Chops won in her "world" with a 102mm Tiger Butterfly ( her second trophy,Whoooo!!). The lovely Ian came in second in his "world" (lost by 2mm, mew,mew,mew!!) and promptly threw all his toys out of the pram and faked a migraine and retired to bed!!

I though what a lovely idea and promptly joined him on Donna's side of the bed (of course!). Well she did have the ironing to do - I hope she got the catnip stains out of my bestest Prada catsuit or else there will be trouble (miaow!)

I remained on the bed for most of the day due to the inclement weather - can't be getting my Jimmy Choo kitten heels wet - can I?

Must dash, am up for a Mario Kart race with next doors Ginger Tom, oh the joys of WiFi!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Catnip

2006-08-19T13:55:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

I am not normally one for catnip - all that rolling around in it does nothing for my designer catsuits.

However ...................!

Last week the best friend of next doors Ginger Tom came back from Amsterdam with a HUGE bag of the finest Moroccan Skunk Catnip! I was invited around for some and was about to turn him down (well I was wearing my best Prada catsuit, miaow!) until he opened the bag! Well, I thought, Haggis Chops is obsessed with washing and ironing, so she can clean the catsuit. Within seconds of catching that high grade scent I was rolling on the floor fine style. Oh what fun the three of us had! I even got friendly with those pesky doves!!

After a couple of hours rolling in the 'nip! I finally found my way back through the fence, and strolled through the patio door giggling and declaring my undying love for Donna (she does it to Daddy every time she comes in reeking of her favourite Polish vodka, miaow!)

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Haiku

2006-08-18T12:30:00.000+01:00

Miaow beloved readers,

Thought I'd indulge myself today, and honour you all with three Haiku's I wrote last night.

I spit on my paw.
And wipe the dirt from my face.
Just like mom used to.

Whats that I hear?
The computer is dinging.
My butts on the what?

It keeps sticking out.
My tongue wont stay in my mouth.
I need bigger lips.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Donna home early!!

2006-08-17T02:08:00.000+01:00

Miaow beloved readers,

My partee was a disaster, Donna arrived home Wednesday evening, not Thursday! Ian said he did advise me, but I was too self absorbed in licking my bottom to pay attention. The partee was just getting into full swing, the Bolly was flowing, the Pringles well recieved, and my spangled hot pants were the talk of all the boys. The Vicar was chatting to Mrs Moody about 'Dogging' (walking tips for dogs one presumes). Farmer Sheepshank was talking to Mr Guffy about 'Cottaging' (discussing allotments??) AND me and next doors Tom were smooching (Mmmm!)
The sound of a lound, drunken Scottish voice sent the fear of gawd through me! I peeped out the window and my worst fears were confirmed. As Donna was struggling to get the hotel mini bar she had stolen out of her car boot, I sensed I had a couple of minutes to act. All the guests were thrown into the garden, and told to hurdle 2 hedges down the street to the safety of main road (poor Vicar, at 93yrs old he had to crawl under the hedges!) all the Bolly and munchies were swept under the rug (never get noticed, It's Donna's Idea of housework!) A noise upstairs alerted my feline senses...Arrrgh Silas, the inbred kitten had gate crashed the partee! AND was armed with a Cat-lashneekov ex Soviet rifle!! I tried to reason with Silas, he just pointed the gun at me, and then lined Donna up in his sights once more. Some strange instinct took over...I dashed down the stairs, through the cat flap, and flung myself in front of Donna (just like the 'Body Guard', except Donna cant sing, and Ian is better looking than Kevin Costa-wots-his-name) A pop echoed round the street, a thump in my chest, as I landed in Donna's arms. My life flashed before my eyes, that must be my nine lives used up! I glanced down expecting to see my life blood draining away, Ohhh but miracle! the bullet had hit my 'Blue Peter badge (and in the process dislodged that stubbon furball!) I glanced to the window, Silas had fled...Yaaaay!
Donna was unaware of all of this, and just thought I had jumped into her arms through happiness at seeing her. I suppose I learnt a valuable lesson. When push comes to shove, Donna is family, and I'd put my life on the line for her.
Almost forgot to mention, those pesky Doves tried to gate crash the partee, but flew into the closed patio windows rendering themselves unconscious, MIAOW revenge is sweet. Must dash folks, my bullet proof Cat suit just arriving via Fedex!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

House Partee

2006-08-16T11:51:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest loyal readers,

Been suffering with morning sickness the last few days, NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! Most odd, just after my breakfast, which I devour in about a minute, I barf. Must admit feel sorry(ish) for Ian as he stands and watches me eat, with a copy of the Times (inside which is doubtless a girlie mag!) waiting to catch my vomit, as it tends to come straight back up. Yesterday I managed to keep breakfast down for 5 minutes, but I lasted just until I got to the patio, then Baaaarrrrffff! Ian was shocked 10 minutes later to see me eating the yummy warm chicken I had regurgitated (kept it all down) I tried to explain some basic cat facts too him, alas, he couldn't hear me due to the sound of his own retching! BUT yaaay!! I wasn't sick this morning. I am currently being treated for Furballs and Worms (the shame of it, a pedigree with Worms) I declined Donna's offer of ECT for my supposed mental health issues!
Well, anyhoe, Donna's away Today and Thursday, so have taken the chance to throw a small partee (neigbourhood elite, including the Vicar) got some fab munchies in, Salmon, Prawns, Scallop Vol Au Vonts, and some Prawn Cocktail flavour Pringles. 'Borrowed a couple of bottles of Donna's jolly Bolly (she wont miss a couple of Magnums from her extensive wine cellar, rather wine car boot!) Hope you like the picture of next doors Tom enjoying some Bolly at my birthday bash last year, man was he ill, I told him not to mix Bolly with Worming tablets and Valium! (Ohhh he's such a hunky reblel!) With Donna not back until Thursday, Plan to partee all tonight, and then get Ian to clear the chaos up on Thursday....She'll be none the wiser! Well must dash folks, gonna be a long job shoe horning myself into my new spangled hot pants! Cheers all!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Secret coded message for Scarlet!!

2006-08-15T11:27:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

(For Scarlets eyes only!)-----Start msg--The golden donkey is getting tarnished, the Arctic fox is turning brown, napalm sorted patio weeds, full moon at night, Rabbits will fight, regroup at Helipad, go home and be glad--End msg.
Sure you understood all that dearie (ahem) call me if your confused! Mwah, Mwah, bestest friend.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Hogging the PC

2006-08-14T22:03:00.000+01:00

Miaow devoted, avid readers,

Still have a sore nose, it took Ian 30 minutes, a crowbar, and a litre of extra virgin olive oil to get that kitchen devil knife unstuck! Still too shamefaced to venture onto the Savanna today, so just chilled on the bed (Ian's side!) and caught up on some Emails, which brings me to the point of this entry. I have been accused of HOGGING the PC! Gawd I only use it to write my Blog, Emails, and surfing cat sites containing 'adult material' Ian and Donna keep saying it's for research, banking, bill paying, etc (yawn!) Well get your OWN PC guys, or what about a Internet Cafe?? Ian is a fine one to talk, he decided to to convert the Hard drive from Fat32 to NTFS, spent half an evening faffing about doing it (4 hours researching and mulling it over, and 5 minutes for Windows XP to perform the task fault free for him) Hence my Monday Blog never got published, soooo sorry guys. Donna's away again! Tuesday and Wednesday night...she just cant wait to get away from me! Well must dash folks, just found a woodlouse (and crunchy tissues??) under Ian's pillow, Curiosity may have got the cat, I'm just plain nosy!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Vampire Bat suit!!

2006-08-13T08:42:00.000+01:00

maiow dearest readers.

Well the quest to dislodge my latest furball into Donna's designer handbag failed, so I tried Ian's favourite shoes. Alas no joy there either, mee yew!

Those darn Doves caught wind of what I was trying to do and started to mock me from the garden fence. Well there was only one course of action that I could take and that was to don my own design vampire bat suit and take the pesky things down!! I decided to raid Ian's underwear drawer this time and found a pair of tight fitting black pants to use and lined them with a pair of Donna's pink cherry knickers that I found in there (I must ask why Donna's knickers were in his drawer, does he wear them I wonder? hmmmmm). Decided I would also need a beak to take the doves down and used a Kitchen Devil bread knife attached to my own nose with No More Nails.

Deciding the time was right I launched myself in their direction from the bedroom window but unfortunately I caught a thermal and whoosh I was blown four gardens down in the opposite direction and almost into the open jaws of a rather vicious Jack Russell (ouch!). Fortunately the beak saved me from his rabid jaws and I was left hanging from the fence by my beak. How those Doves were laughing at me, oh the shame of it all. News soon got around the neighborhood and every cat and Dove in my manor came to laugh at me. How could they they when I assert so much authority in my manor? I had to slink (casual as you like) back home listening to the snickering of all those cats and those DARN DOVES!!

There was only one thing for it - I had to take to my bed with a dozen Krispy Kreme Duffnuts (perhaps they will help the furball problem?). How will I ever live with the shame.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Lazy day

2006-08-12T17:31:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

Miaow, really was off colour today, darn furballs! Was sick three times, bed, kithen and lounge (Ian loved that cleaning job at 8.00am!) Spent almost all day curled up on the leather sofa, moving just to take advantage of the duckdown Duvet (freshley fluffed up by Donna) Damp and cool outside, so just no incentive to patrol my manor.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cousin Charlie

2006-08-11T11:31:00.000+01:00

Miaow avid readers,

Cousin Charlie is a hard one to explain, but I'll do my bestest.
Charlie was Ian and Auntie Lizzie's pet Peke (darn yappy dwarf dogs!) Charlie popped of to the the big boneyard in the sky 20 years ago, but his personality and influence over our lives is as strong as ever. Ian and Lizzie decided he hadn't died, just gone away on business. AND what a thriving business he's built up! Money lending (loan shark), money laundering, and influencing world politics, he has the ear of George Bush and Tony Bair, and is generally an international man of action. He has a sidekick, a peroxide, permed Poodle, called Mindy. Charlie has his international offices at Ian and Donna's house, called Meglomaniac towers, built from NASA light reflecting/bending glass, to render the 40 km high building virtually invisible to the naked eye. A high speed rail link leads to his London office (in Lizze's flat) which has a Dental surgury as a cover. Charlie appears in most of Scarlet and my Emails. It's Kinda funny, but weired as it may sound, I've got so used to it, I believe it all now.
There are so many tales I'll tell you about Charlie, included bitting Ian's lip in two, and causing Ian great embarassment as a Teenager to him, by frantically sniffing the crotch of every girl he bought home, and terrorising all his male friends. My how you'll laugh at these jocular tales. Well must dash for now folks, going to try to dislodge this furball in Donna's Handbag.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cat Tick

2006-08-10T12:23:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

What an awfull day! you may recall I mentioned that while Donna was away, I indulged myself in some Flea scratching near her pillow? I wondered how they would get on with Donna's Crabs, Lice, etc? MUTANTS have bred, miaow!! This football size monster was found by Ian while he groomed my silky fur, ATTACHED to moi!! just under the chin.. gawd I was near to fainting with the horror of it all. Ian explained it was a Tick, not a mutant flea/crab, and that it had most likley found it's way to me via a hedgey hoggy thingie. I had been off colour a day or two, so Ian, fearing Lymes disease decided a surprise vet trip for the correct removal and check up was in order (joy, I'd have yanked it off with summit out of Donna's make up bag!) Any-hoe off to see the charming Cassie at the Vets (BS HONS Animal torture) Mutant removed in 30 seconds, followed by a quick jab (no Valium, bah!) and home 1 hour later, and with Ian's wallet £40 lighter.
It goes without saying I will milk this for all I can...Hmmm? do you fake mild Lymes Disease symptoms?? Must dash Guys, gotta buff up on the "Good Cat Health Guide"

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Ian's Money trees

2006-08-09T11:43:00.000+01:00

Miaow dear readers,

Well Donna's back from her trip to Birmingham, I was, to my surprise rather pleased to see her. She was very tired, so we didn't get much time to talk (read-me being nagged and moaned at)
It's Ian I'm getting worried about, both he and Donna are addicted to Animal crossing, on the the Nintendo DS (Donna's other addictions have been well documented by me!) Ian has worked out how to grow money trees, he planted 2 small test trees, both of which are growing. He became overconfident, and after much testing, planted about half his savings, 100,000 bells (Duh!) expecting to grow a tree that every 3 days would fruit 300,000 bells. IT DIED! boy, he was close to tears! Even I could have told him that even planted in the correct place, watered daily, 25% of trees die (ahem..not that I play this Kiddie game!) Of course he sought my counsel, and I advised 5x 20,000 bell trees to spread the risk. In his wisdom he took my advice, his joy was unfounded this morning when 4 out of 5 trees had taken! that will give him 60,000 bells every three days in about a week, as long as watered daily. His little eyes just said "Kerrching!" He wont be happy until he has an orchard of 1,000,000 bell trees. I fear he is turning into a meglomaniac (like cousin Charlie, more on him another time) he is already strutting round the island doing his best to look like Fidel Castro. GUYS!! it's a video game!!
If your reading Scarlet, any goss on the " Croyden patio body"? if it was you, I told you before that concrete boots in any M25 roadworks section is far safer!
Must dash folks, need my hit on Super Mario Bros.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

The Cats away, so mice can play!

2006-08-08T12:42:00.000+01:00

Miaow my dear devoted readers,

Well the cat (Donna) is away, so the mouse (moi) can play! having just a fabbo day guys! Started the day with a lazy doze on Donna's side of the bed, had a darn good scratch in situ, saw a couple of cat fleas sneak under Donna's pillow (sure they will make good friends with Donna's Lice, Crabs etc!) Spent most of the day trying on Donna's clothes, and reading her diary...Woooo! never knew Ian was such a love-god!! Soon as Ian was home, put my 'Lil lost kitten' eyes on (never fails) and within minutes we were tucking into Honey roast ham, Turkey off the bone, and Cheese Hula-Hoops...Mmmm! He even let me lick his Ice Cream bowl clean. Have to admit it was slightly rich, Tesco Finest, topped with condensed milk and Mexican Honey (guess who's idea that was!) After that we settled to watch The Discovery Channel and BBC News 24, it made a very pleasant change from the endless Soaps, Reality TV crap, and Cartoons I normally have to endure.
I've changed Donna's password on the PC to "Hefelumph" so she cant read this, I'm sure the Civil Service dont have PC's (all funding spent on providing their 'modest' pension!) Well must dash folks, Celebrity Love Island On Ice about to start!!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Me as a kitten!

2006-08-07T13:28:00.000+01:00

Miaow dearest readers,

Firstly a huge thanks to my bestest friend Scarlet, who sent be such a moving Email, got me all loved up! (I kinda like to hang with her, as the hunky guys always pick me, ha ha!)
I was searching in Donna's Vodka drawer for some, ahem, umm, yes! wool to play with, when I stumbled across this old picture of me as a kitten! It was taken in Norway, just outside Bergen, on a crisp March Morning. You will of course notice at once that since living here in Blighty I have not lost my Norwgian Forest cat looks! My Sister Poppy took the picture, just after I had snaffled myself a rutting Elk single pawed (I'm sure if you look right at the bottom of the photo you can just see the Elks entrails) What a day we had!!
Soon after this photo was taken, Poppy followed her dreams and joined the Royal Norwgian Mounted Forest Cat Patrol (kinda like the Canadian Mounties) I in turn followed my dreams and stowed away on a Herring factory trawler bound for Bridlington, to become either a supermodel or a 'kept' cat, acheiving both was a bonus!
Donna is away on business in Birmingham tonight, so I'll soon have Ian wrapped around my little claw, and I'm confident my normal quality rations will be restored.
Must dash folks, the rain has stopped, and the suburban Savanna awaits it's most feared predator!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

My bestest friend, Scarlet.

2006-08-06T13:52:00.000+01:00

Miaow avid readers,

Hi Guys! still feeling a bit sheepish after yesterdays appology to Donna, but the barbed wire is off-Yaaaay! perhaps I should not be quite as rude to Donna (She can use a can opener!)
I want to introduce you to my bestest friend in the whole wide world (after Ian, Donna, Lizzie, Abi, and the fishmonger!) This svelte, sexy, size 6 automotive device is SCARLET, she lives with Auntie Lizzie in London, and I love her to death..Mwah, Mwah! We have been on so many madcap adventures together, too many to tell you about now. Compared to Lizzie, Scarls is mentally stable(ish) suffering only with Social Phobia and incontinence (we always go out with a pack of 'Lady Tenor Maxi') Who would have thought a Cat and a Car could be bestest friends? mind you who would have thought that Cheese is very palatable with fruit cake!
Must dash folks, my 'Netto economy Whale and bonemeal mix' supper is ready....Mmmm! Trust me it tastes better than Haggis's Rough Oatcakes!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cheap Cat food!

2006-08-05T20:49:00.000+01:00

Miaow dear readers,

Whoops, I've been caught! Further evidence has come to light regarding the recent vomiting incident. CCTV evidence shows that it was infact me and not Donna who ate the biscuits and pebble dashed the freshly laundered bedding with projectile vomit. Imagine my shame! Particularly as I had publicly accused Donna and was not particularly polite about it. The love letters and kinky underwear hidden in Donna's knicker (sorry, vodka!) drawer were sent to CSI for analysis and Grisom's invstigation proved her innocence and my clear guilt.

I would here by like to publicly apologise to old haggis chops for any embarassment and distress caused. Hopefully the barbed wire will be untangled from me now and the shoe cupboard door opened! Although I appreciate the cheap moggy nosh will continue for a day or so!

Yours humbly

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sorry Guys

2006-08-04T12:28:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

I've had to turn word verification on, sorry guys, keep getting the same spam message from the same spammer "Here are some links you may be interested in", all links to fake diploma's, medication, betting etc. Sorry for the extra effort effort involved to post a comment, (but boy, am I worth it!!) I loathe spammers, more that a surprise visit to the vet!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Mystery solved!

2006-08-03T11:39:00.000+01:00

Miaow dear avid readers,

Well the dry food mystery is solved! Using all my cunning, and skills I've learnt off CSI Miami, I came to the obvious outcome. It was Donna who ate the food. Donna who was sick, and then framed me. Reliable witness statments testify she has been seen near the bowl in the past. Hair samples found (gawd, talk about grease and split ends!) near the bowl are a perfect match for Donna's. SHE has the motive, she's jealous of my looks and brains, figure, AND She has a taste for Scottish rough Oatcakes (NOT unlike GoCat Tuna and Herring flavour) that rubber stamps the verdict beyond reasonable doubt! revenge will be ohh soooo very sweet. Off to 'plant' some mens underwear and fake love letters in her knicker drawer for Ian to find...MIAOW!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Cat Vomit!

2006-08-02T13:44:00.000+01:00

Miaow beloved readers,

Can you imagine my joy when Donna purchased this super frock for me! it says "Daddies little star" on the back too! I was sooo excited, near to wetting myself. I was just about to try it on, and impress next doors hunky Ginger Tom, when my little Kitty world fell apart...it wasn't mine!!! but for my neice Abi, meeeyooow! Not that I begrudge gifts for Abi, She's cuter than a huge slice of Banoffee pie and maple syrup, and me and my best friend Scarlet have worked our claws and tyres (Scarlet is Lizzie's car) to the bone knitting socks, gloves, mittens, and in Scarlets case, wing mirror warmers..Duh! But I was heart broken. You will notice the big 1/2 price sticker, well that's Donna all over, MIAOW!
Ever since my major (ahem!) surgery, for some reason I haven't been eating dry food out of my bowl, if it's put on the floor I'll wolf it down, it's mystified Donna and Ian (me also to be honest!) Last night, after a pleasant meal of Salmon in Seafood sauce, I retired to bed with Ian and Donna and promptly dozed off. I have no memory of eating dry food in the night, but the bowl was half empty when I woke (must of been that sexy Ginger Tom!) and the bed was covered with projectile cat vomit, needless to say I got the blame as usual. Took a while to clear that mess up I can tell you, nasty atmosphere (and smell) in house when the Humans left. Decided to lay low, and figure out this mystery!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Pizza

2006-08-01T10:58:00.000+01:00

Miaow my dear readers,

Is it just me, or do other people/cats etc struggle to grasp a takeaway Pizza menu? I was checking our local 'Domino's' menu to see if Mice, Dragonflies, Frogs, or moths were on the extra topping list yet (noooo! when will they cater for cats??) I cant make head or tail of the menu. "All large Pizza'a 2 for £10", "Any medium Pizza just £7.99", "Free wedges and nuggets with all orders over £10" none of the offers can be used in conjunction, and the offers contridict themselves!! So mad could just bite Donna right now!!
No Email off Auntie Lizzie this week (Drunk again), no presents off Donna (Presumed drunk), nothing off Ian either, but I'll forgive him, he's not been well.
Well it's turning into another dreadfull day (do I moan too much?) too cool and showery to go out, so just lounging of the bed all day. God, pass the Valium I feel depressed. Glad I could share all that with you, it's good to burden other people with your problems (so Donna and Lizzie say)

Love and Purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Love and purrs Muffin-willow xxx

Hottest July-Phew!

2006-07-31T21:26:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Was going to tell you all about Frogs and Dragonflies, but cant upload picture again!! (whoops, sorry, on editing the post it let me upload picture) SO doing my 'Im not just a pretty face' weather report for July 2006.
July 2006 was the warmest month ever recorded in in the U.K, beating the previous record jointly held by July 1983 and August 1995, with a screen mean of 17.8c, 0.5c above previous record. Sunshine was 50% over the July average. Germany also recorded it's warmest month on record..mmm warm beer!
Here in Raunds (south-east midlands) we recorded a screen average max of 26.9c, average minimum 14.8c (overall mean 20.9c) rain 38.7mm (most of this fell in two downpours towards the end of the month, I got caught in both!!) it was also very sunny, nearly 270 hours for the month-should have used sun screen I know!
Sorry for all the serious, non cat information, but I'm not just a dumb Kitty you Know!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-willow xxx

Migraine (2)

2006-07-30T00:06:00.000+01:00

Maiow dearest readers!

Glad to report my Blogging now working again (or rather Ian's Migraine finally permits him to carry out basic tasks for me, such as write my blog!)
WHAT a day yesterday was, Ian couldn't sleep due to his alledged migraine. He spent most of the night sitting downstairs, head in hands, saying he just wanted to die (trust me, I offered to help!) He finally went to bed at 06.30am, after pulling a 'sickie' at work. He was fast asleep when Donna woke at 07.00am, she left him to sleep. In her haste to get to work, she neglected to unlock the cat flap or feed me. Ian eventually woke at 13.30pm, and by the time he realised the time (and could remember his name!) it was 14.00pm. I was so hungry, I had licked the kitchen floor to a shine, and just couldn't keep my legs crossed any longer! AT LAST nourishment came my way, gobbled the lot in under a minute-perhaps Ian was really ill, I didn't get the normal lecture about eating to fast and vomiting in the laundry basket. Freedom was achieved at 14.30pm, just uncrossed my legs...ohhhh the relief, I'm sure next doors flower bed enjoyed the free moisture and compost as much..he,he,he Miaow!
Today was back to normal (if this home can ever be called that) Spent most of day chilling under the fence, but cooler again at 26c, for me to lounge in the sun early and late, bliss. Just come in for supper, it's raining at last..Yaay! All the mice and frogs will be strutting their stuff all over my Manor tommorrow, I'll be sure to bag a a few mice, who knows, maybe a trophy Buffalo! Must dash, think I've got a sensual brushing session on the way....Hmmmm!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Migraine

2006-07-28T22:19:00.000+01:00

Miaow all!

Cant blog today, Ian has a "terminal" migraine (minor headache, huh guys?) I dictate to him on my blog (well you cant type with claws like mine!) tell you all about it tommorrow folks.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin Willow xxx

The Humans!

2006-07-27T23:54:00.000+01:00

Miaow guys.

I promised not to post a picture of Ian and Donna, a cat's word is it's bond you know!, but after the day I've had, I seem to recall having my claws crossed behind my back for that one promise, he, he, miaow. Been in, out, in, out, in out, all day due to thunderstorms, at least it was cooler today at 27c, but gawd was it sticky.
Ian (on the right!) shows all the signs of a man having a nap after a long, hard day at work. Donna meanwhile has a look of a typical Civil Servant who has spent all day at work auditing paper clips, colour matching elastic bands, reading 'Heat' and 'OK' magazines, discussing soaps and reality TV shows with her like minded Servants of the crown. (a three hour lunch break at a trendy wine bar also, no doubt) she is without doubt roaring drunk in this picture! Hiiiissss!!! They both slept after work today from 6pm until 10pm, leaving an ailing kitty without food. Thank gawd I was able to prise open the fridge with a crowbar and a spot of elbow grease. I ended up dining on smoked Salmon, Turkey breast, and a few squirts of tinned cream (straight into my mouth!) Serve the pair of them right.
Must dash folks, just been called for my supper!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Flying Squirrel suit!

2006-07-26T13:39:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers.

Just a quick post today, sorry fans! Just too hot and sticky for words, 30c again at 1pm, FED UP, want normal English weather to return. Earlier I decided to go after those darn Doves that keep mocking me. Quickly knocked up a Flying Squirrel suit out of 'No More Nails' and a pair of Donna's smaller knickers that Ian must of shrunk in the wash. With great stealth I mounted the Apple tree and used all my cunning and timing to wait for the right moment to launch my self at the Doves, who where smooching away on the fence. POUNCE! hit the floor like a sack of spuds, darn gravity and poor quality knickers, lucky Sir Isaac Newton wasn't underneath! The Doves were in hysterics of course, I mumbled somthing about a "scientific experiment" and casual as you like, sneaked back indoors...Bah!! Next time..... Perhaps cats are not supposed to fly (except on British Airways First Class, or a dose of Morphine!!)

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Morphine

2006-07-25T16:54:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Sure you'll be delighted to hear I'm just about back to 'normal' Thanks for the get well comments posted, made an arthritic old cat feel all loved up. If you read my post yesterday, ignore the bit about a fight between a shew and a giraffe (Morphine induced fantasy) I kinda hoped they might send me home with some.. all I got was Antibiotics, huh! not even any Valium pre-med, darn Vets, AND they kept my tooth! so no windfall due from the tooth fairy! Suffering in the heat again, 32c as I write dear readers. Spent most of the day just hanging out under the hedge keeping cool and watching the flora and fauna do as they wish with my manor, gawd revenge is gonna be so sweet!!
With having only two upper fangs, I do look a tad like Dracula (I'm available for any Pantomimes etc, just contact me.) just need a dark cloak and the pesky kids around here will be popping Xanax before they know what hit them ( after a short stay in the E.R.. Miaow!)
Ian and Donna home soon, so a spot of Turkey is on the cards, I just hope Donna is sober enough to cut it up, must tell her boss at the Pension office about that litre 100% proof Polish potato vodka she keeps in her desk at work.. or maybe blackmail, hmmmm?

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tooth removed, Yaaay!!!

2006-07-24T22:22:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Just quick post, tooth removed, heavens the relief, home recovering on the patio. Tell you the full story, including the fight at the Vet's between a Giraffe and a shew, awesome! Just soooo good to be home! So pleased to see Ian and Donna (never thought I'd say that, maiow!!)

Love and purrs.

Muffin-willow xxxx

Vets

2006-07-23T22:01:00.000+01:00

(by the Author)

I'm writting on Muffin-Willow's behalf, due to her overnight stay at vet's. Poor Muffin's toothache became much worse overnight and during this morning. A call to Keyvet ensued, and an appointment made for 4pm (out of hours fee £11o.oo!) By the time we got her highness to the surgery the cause of the toothache was clear, her remaining lower canine was protruding from her jaw at a 90 degree angle. The Vet advised the tooth needed to be removed at once, and her remaining two upper teeth checked. We left Muffin (who, although stroppy, was looking forward to her Valium pre-med!) at 4.30pm. Got a call from Vets at 6.30pm to advise Muffin awake, tooth removed, and remaining upper fangs still ok! She's staying in overnight for observation, and will be ready to come home 11am tomorrow. House very quiet without her, will be thinking of her.

Sweet dreams Muffin-willow.

Ian and Donna.

Thunderstorm

2006-07-22T23:21:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Just a quick post today, have awful toothache in my remaining lower fang, pain has been quite dreadfull, haven't even bothered to eat today. We had a stunning thunderstorm today. At 2.30pm me, Donna, and Ian were enjoying the clear blue skies, sweating like little piggies in 31c of humid heat, by 3.00pm, the skies had darkened to the colour of my mood! Donna said should we shut the blinds etc, Ian stood and glanced south to assess the chance of imminent rain, at that moment the thunder rolled all around us, and we fled in terror up the garden after viewing swirling clouds and a blur of rain about 1/4 mile away. We just made it indoors before the rain hit, THEN the wind!! wow, what a down draft from a storm, so strong it actually blew the blinds off two windows! it went as dark as night, and the temperature fell from 31c to 18c in less than 30 mins.... so exiting, for me anyway! All cleared and sunny again by 5pm.
In the garden currently, trying to find somewhere to rest my throbbing jaw.

Love and purrs

Muffin-willow xxx

Gerbil scratching post has use..Yay!

2006-07-21T14:57:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers, (and Donna too!)
Managed to upload my picture FIRST time today, Blogger, your off my hit list, pity, just sharpened my claws with an angle grinder today, hey ho, I'm sure Ian or Donna will get the chance to feel them.
Not as hot 30.5c yesterday, and 30c as I write now. This brings me to tne point of my post, I've found a use for my 'Gerbil scratching post'...Yaay! being cunningly positioned by the french windows, it affords not only a comfortable, cool napping spot, but also stunning views of the back garden (should a stray Antelope pass!) Ian is off work today, can you believe that Donna asked him to play her Animal Crossing at dead on 11am, as Barbara the sheep was due to visit for a tea morning... Duh.. get real guys!! It will be fun seeing Ian explain he dozed off and didn't do it anyway, miaow, ha,ha,ha.
What with all the windows open at night, and lights on (god forbid Donna couldn't lay her hands on her 3 litre bottle of White lightning cider (7.5% ABV) at 5am!) the house is full of Moths, Beetles,mayflies and just about any other insect you'd find on landfill site. I am supposed to catch these according to my housecat contract! like, no way guys, thats what flypaper and swatters were invented for! I need a new Solicitor!!
Well must dash guys, just going to catch a re-run of the BBC's fab 'Big cat dairy' next doors Ginger Tom has hinted that there is content of an 'ADULT' nature on it, mmm, Miaow!

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow xxx

Miaow wot a scorcher!!!

2006-07-20T11:28:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,
Just about to attack Ian's PC with a jigsaw and power drill, cant upload a picture today, miaow! Blogger beware, my nickname 'aint Tungsten claws for nothing! please fix this darn diddly problem, there, I've said it, you guys got me mad. I've cleared my chocolate cookies, deleted my cache thingie, enabled expresso script... still no joy. Any how, yesterday was sooo hot guys, we broke the UK July maximum (fanfare) 36.5c in Wisley in Surrey, Ian's weather station recorded 35.1c (I felt like lighting a bonfire under his stevenson screen so he recorded like 70c, maiow ha, ha, ha,) I was so hot I didn't bother going out until 8.30pm last night. I have put the odd pound on, and upon refection, wearing thermals under my catsuit was perhaps not wise! Ohhh how those Doves and Pigeons mocked me as I battled in vain to get my catsuit off with Swarfega and a large shoe horn.... revenge will be sweet my feathered chicken nuggets!
Donna is back from her course at BT in Staffs, welcomed her back with open jaws! She was away 2 days and didn't write once, or bring me a gift of a fishy nature. She then hogged the bed all night, forcing me to sleep in the cupboard under the sink, such indignity! Mind you she left without her mobile phone today, so good chance to run up a hefty bill with the Japanese talking clock, and Rolf Harris (he loves cats!)
Really must dash, cooler this morning, and those darn birds are living on borrowed time! Hope to post picture again tommorrow (Blogger.. hisssssss, you have been warned, Bill gates wouldn't have this problem!)

Love and Purrs to all,

Muffin-Willow xxxx

Heatwave

2006-07-19T02:41:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Remain ratty due to the excessive heat, 33c again today, this picture shows just how yellow Englands 'Green and pleasant land' is! When I moved here from my native Norway I was expecting rain by the bucket load, hence only packed my normal wet weather catsuit, ohhh how I wish I'd packed a bikini and flip flops!
Donna is away on a training course in Staffordshire, so I have half the bed to my self, no more playing twister at the foot of the bed..yaay!
Ian has yet to work out the relationship between the laundry basket, washing machine, and iron. I swear he thinks the laundry pixies take all he throws on the floor, and magically make it appear back in the wardrobe washed and ironed a day later...Men..Duh!!
Must dash dears, having another Homicidal thought..yaay, off to find Ian's tender feet and ankles!
Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxxxx

Animal Crossing Nintendo DS

2006-07-16T23:15:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Hot and irritable today, 30c, Ian say's weather man forcasting 35c for Wednesday... how I long for the cool misty Norwegian forests at times. QUESTION..
Are my 34 and 41 year old Humans the only people addicted to this strange game? They spend as much time chasing bugs, fish,digging for fossils, and building their dream homes as they do in the real world. Any comments appreciated. Thank you, a confused cat. ps Donna's in a strop because she doesn't know if she's won today's "Bug-off" insect catching contest in the game! Like duh!

Love and Purrs

Muffin-willow xxxx

My Niece Abi

2006-07-15T00:20:00.000+01:00

Miaow my beloved readers,

Had a fab day today, sunny all day, 22c, with a cooling easterly breeze, perfect for just pottering around.. yay!
My honorary neice Abi visited today, she's 5 months old and as as cute as apple pie with clotted cream topped with 100's and 1000's. She's the baby of Donna's cool brother David, and his fabbo wife Kim.. ACE guys, they wanted me to be a god parent, but I lead such a busy life, I wouldn't have been able to do Abi justice in that role, so settled on honorary Auntie ( a bit like settling for a OBE insted of Damehood!) We had such fun together, made me feel quite maternal. It's funny that Abi can eject bodily fluids from every orifice and never a cross word is spoken, it's just "oh has Abi-waby done a plop plop etc. I make one small error of judgement with the litter tray and Donna wraps me in barbed wire and locks me in the shoe cupboard for days without food or water, or until she's sober(ish) again!
Just come in for the night now, only 11c, feeling a bit chilly. Must dash guys, Abi's gloves and scarves wont knit themselves folks.

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Gerbil scratching post!!!!!

2006-07-13T21:43:00.000+01:00

Miaow and purrs to all,

Keeping my feet firmly on the floor following my first picture published in a paper, just been daydreaming in the sun of the fame and wealth to come.
To celebrate my fame, Ian and Donna purchased a new cat scratching post cum lounger for me... NOT the one I wanted! Saw my dream climber in 'Petsmart'. God it was perfect, 4 levels, real wool snoozing hoops, a cool den on the top..wow! I ended up with this 'thing' not only is it far to small for a svelte 7.7kg Prima Donna puss, the materials.. nylon, acrylic, polyester! no REAL WOOL to suck! The real sickener is that I would have got my dream climber, EXCEPT it was blue and it clashed with the carpet, I cant believe they didn't just change the carpet. Perchance, if anyone needs a climber for a needy Gerbil, Rat, or small child, please contact me, it's yours (buyer collects!)
Must dash guys, my Smoked Salmon is getting warm.

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow xxxxx

Best day ever

2006-07-11T21:57:00.000+01:00

WHAT A DAY !!!!
About a week ago, Ian sent a picture of my feline perfection to our local evening paper the "Northants Evening Telegraph" as they were running a competition for pet pictures, It's on my "Dental Floss problems" post, guess what? I won..Yay!!! Ian purchased about 20 copies of the paper (that will double the circulation!)
A whole new career now beckons me. Promotional work for tootpaste companies, sugar free drinks, (the need for regular dental check up's!) Muffin-Willow the Parfum, the clothing range, a place on "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" heck might even fit in Richard and Judy! But I wont change, maiow no!! still be the respectfull polite cat that people know.
Must dash luvvies, I have Gucci on hold for me. Sweet dreams all.

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow

Sooo touched!!!!!

2006-07-11T07:55:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Just so touched this morning! two people have left comments on my Blog!, can you believe it, and both polite, thank you all so much. It's this kind of thing that gives an overweight arthritic cat a warm glow and a love for humanity.
Included a picture of me comforting Donna after a bad day at the office (think her boss found her copy of Playgirl and 4 pack of Blue Wicked!)

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Scots Highland Gathering

2006-07-10T23:38:00.000+01:00

Maiow all,

Found this old Camfone picture of me when I first moved in with daddy.. Look what he's done to my figure!!! I've gone from a dress size 6 to 14!! all that turkey and smoked salmon I've been forced fed...Mewl!! Weekend quiet for me, much cooler, low 20's and breezy, ideal for sauntering about scaring butterflies. Ian and Donna went to the Highland gathering in Corby on Sunday (Poor Donna is from north of the wall) Donna didn't take her hip flask..yay! but a litre of Aldi Scotch in a discreet brown paper bag (ahem!) Good time was had by all, shame the wind kept blowing the tents over.. he he! Ian caused shame on all by signing a petition in favour of an English Parliament at a promotional stall, can you believe the Highland gathering rented a stall to us southern softies?. Soon got bored with "Ya know, 86% of the U.K population live in England, but 32% of treasury funds for Social care go to... etc, blah, rant. I think Donna used the leaflet for toilet tissue in the end ( hope she didn't get paper cuts)
Auntie Lizzie didn't call last night after her trip to the health farm. The only logical explanation is that her Booze and Valium problem was so bad, that she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, poor Lizzie, a Civil service Junkie... Ohh and Donna too.
Moths seen = 0, Moths caught =0, small children seen seen 34, small children terrorised =34, homicidal thoughts =34, homicidal actions =2 ( Beetles, not children!). Must dash, just about to embelish new carpet with tastefull muddy paw prints.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxxxx

Sabre Toothed Black Panther outfit

2006-07-07T00:15:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Finally got my Sabre Tooth Tiger dentures, yay!! Couldn't find a wash out jet black hair colour, so used Ian's black shoe polish (any hints for how to remove shoe polish from new carpets guys?) Spent whole day spreading fear among small children, moths, sheep... what a hoot! Hoping that I can get shoe polish out of fur with swarfega and Donna's new Cashmere top.
Cat flap still not repaired, on the verge of attacking the front door with a Jigsaw and fitting the damn thing myself. At least I can wind Ian and Donna up by rolling in 1am or so, leaving them waiting on the sofa for me!
Auntie Lizzie off work for a few days, gone to some posh health farm for a break (from the booze and Valium I assume)
Donna furious I 'borrowed' her 4 pack of smirnoff ice, once her DT's had worn off and she'd calmed down she settled on Jonnie Walker on her Rice Crispies instead. Ohh well, I suppose I should go in (I'm posting this on Ian's PSP on WiFi, I assume it's waterproof!) and see what tasty morsels are being served for midnight meal tonight.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Me Hot and fed up!

2006-07-04T22:38:00.000+01:00

This picture caputures my mood perfectly, HOMICIDAL!
Too hot, hungry, unloved, taken for granted, ugly, tearfull.
Perhaps my PMT is still affecting me? Did this post in 'Lippy pink' to cheer myself up...ohhh also got a 200g bar of Cadbury dairy milk, and borrowed, ahem, a 4 pack of Donna's 'Smirnoff Ice' What will she put on her Rice Crispies in The morning, he he he, miaow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-willow

A little of my background

2006-07-04T12:33:00.000+01:00

Miaow all,

Thought I'd Indulge myself with a little of how I came to live with Ian and Donna (in Fort Knox!).
Ian's last cat companion Poppy died in March 2005, he swore blind he'd never have another cat. But we cats have a way of always finding a way back into your life! Ian contacted the great people at Cat Protection and asked to re-home a cat (He has his good points!) After a week he got a call to say they had ME! they quite seriously warned Ian that I was a fab cat, but challenged facially (I only have 3 teeth, and gum problems) and would involve regular vet trips, and a lot of commitment. Soon as Ian saw me he fell in love with me and agreed to re-home me asap! I moved in 3rd April 2005. I thought he was ok, if a bit ugly, and going bald. (but hey, what cat is going to turn down a meal ticket!)
Ian had really wanted a female cat, but my name was Marvin Enzo, he changed this to Muffin-Willow and has always treated me like a girl ( a princess to be honest)...... I get confused sometimes!!! need to check my Insurance documents to fathom this out (they burnt in the house fire last October, ahem! more on that later) so I guess I must be a girlie, I mean I love lippy and handbags, also pink is my fav colour
Too hot again yesterday at 30c, spent most of day sleeping under fence. My cat flap not replaced yet! good job Ian or Donna at home most of day.
Mice seen = 0, mice caught =0, moths seen = 1000's, moths caught hmmm, maybe a couple, homicidal thoughts =2, homicidal actions =0, yay!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-willow